Hidding in Illusions
by green.at.9
Summary: I shall light a fire upon the fang that falls short. So that I needn’t see that star. So that it shall not tear this throat of mine. - Renji Episode 31 M/M
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

His sandals were falling off his feet, and the socks weren't even put on properly. He yelped when his toe collided with a small rock. He grimaced but kept running; he couldn't afford to be late again. The last time Renji was late, Kuchiki Taicho threatened to leave him with the first year recruits. Oh, how he hated those new members, with their baby faces and their inability to listen to orders. The time before, when he was training them, one of the recruits actually started crying on him because of the training. Ugh, he shuddered at the memory. Thankfully Ukitake Taicho, who happened to be passing by, sympathetically took the recruit off him, and took him to the fourth division. Renji never knew what exactly happened to the kid, but he left it at that.

An acute pain coming from his forehead left him staggering for a few seconds. Renji cursed at his luck, and his friends, with whom he had gone drinking the night before. Ikkaku-san challenged him to a drinking game, and Renji ended up drinking a jug full of sake, while Ikkaku fooled him by drinking only water. Curse that bastard. But it was also Renji's fault for accepting, knowing very well that he had work in the morning. Renji sighed but kept using shunpo to reach the sixth division as fast as he could. He probably looked like crap, but standing in front of Taicho in the next five minutes was better than arriving late and looking better than he was now. Renji released a breath he didn't know he was holding as he saw the sixth division gate. He ran through the hallways, dodging and lifting a hand as a mock salute for the people he knew. He stopped in front of the screen doors, and fixed his shinigami uniform. He felt relaxed; yet tense at the same time as he felt his Taicho's reiatsu coming from inside the office. He knocked gently in hopes that his Taicho would be too obsorbed in his work to notice Renji slipping inside. "Come in," came the sharp voice of his Taicho.

Renji cursed at his wistful thinking, and entered the room. Taicho's reiatsu spiked for a millisecond before it went back to its normal level. Renji's eyes widened and his hand instantly went to his Zambimaru. He kicked himself mentally for his unconscious behavior and quickly withdrew his hand. What in the world was he thinking? To draw his sword in front of Taicho would only be interpreted as him wanting to challenge Kuchiki Byakuya. Renji certainly didn't want a repeat of what happened last time. Unconsciously, Renji felt a shiver going through his spine as he remembered the suppressed memory. Getting shredded by Taicho's bankai was the last thing Renji had on his mind this morning. Taicho probably was angry at his lateness. Hoping that he wasn't, Renji looked up at him. Instead of meeting angry purple-gray eyes, Renji was greeted with eyes, which held an indescribable emotion passing through them.

Silence ensued. Renji began studying his Taicho. The standard white kenseikan, stood proudly on his hair, while leaving the rest of hair to cascade in curtains along his shoulder. Renji still didn't know how his Taicho managed to achieve that perfect glossy hair; the hair that caused all the single and married women to drool about. Next his porcelain smooth skin contrasted greatly with his black hair, but was also envied by women and men alike. His straight sharp nose, the perfected frown and the slight downturn of his lips, all shouted to the people of sereitei that he was of noble birth. An aristocrat, who was not to be taken lightly. Then came the scarf that was forever wrapped around his neck. An extremely pale light green, and from his experience Renji knew it was as soft and silky as it looked. Renji almost felt inferior compared to his Taicho. With his loud mouth, clumsiness, and choppy wild red hair, Renji would never get to his Taicho's level. He was merely a street-boy. "Abarai Renji. You are late. Again," Kuchiki's sharp tone cut Renji's mussing short.

Renji felt ready to pee in his pants. The tone of his Taicho was enough to make Renji spend his entire day on paperwork without a single complaint. And that was something no one would be able to make Renji do, which said something about his Taicho. Renji gulped and stuttered, "I'm really sorry Kuchiki Taicho but I had an emergency this morning that had to be dealt with immediately."

"And what was so important that made you two hours late?" inquired his Taicho.

Damn him. Now he had to make up an excuse and hope Taicho wouldn't catch it. Renji tried his best to look his Taicho in the eye, but found it impossible to do as he kept glancing anywhere but his face. "Uhh, I found a new recruit who was injured during training. So uhh, I had to take him to the fourth division. He asked me not to leave and was crying hysterically so I took pity on him and stayed until they treated him." Renji replied with a wavering voice but became steady as he fabricated the lie.

Renji mentally congratulated himself on his quick thinking and felt the tension in his shoulders drop a bit. "Are you sure Renji?" Taicho asked with a stern tone.

All the tension that disappeared, returned ten fold. "Yes," Renji replied unsurely, as if he himself was doubtful of what happened.

"Oh, then it must have been _another _red head who was rolling around in front of the sake house this morning." Kuchiki replied, his voice resembling a sharp knife sinking into flesh.

Shit. How the hell did his Taicho come across that? In all of soul society, Renji was the only one with bright red hair. So there couldn't possibly be another red head. Renji felt his entire face turn red. He dropped his shoulders and his head in defeat. Ikkaku and Shuhei thought that instead of taking him home, it would be funny to leave him in front of the sake house after he passed out. It left him resting there till morning, only waking to find the shopkeeper kicking him to move for he was turning away the customers. It left him only enough time to return home to take a shower and abandon his dirt spread clothes for new ones. Thus leaving him now with wet hair dripping all over the wooden office floor. Renji risked a glace up to see his Taicho's face. He thought he saw a ghost of a smile lingering on Taicho's lips, but a second later there was only a thin pressed line, so he let it go as his imagination. He did have one of the worst hangovers ever, so illusions were all part of the post-package of night outs. "Make sure it doesn't happed again Abarai. Now finish these papers. They need to be sent before this evening to the 10th division." Taicho ordered.

Renji felt somewhat relieved, and stepped forward to take the papers. At least there was no threat from Taicho. He felt a smile come to his lips. Maybe it won't be a bad day after all. Taicho cleared his throat, "Don't let the water drip on the papers, or you'll be rewriting them. From scratch."

He quickly grabbed the papers and got to work. Taking extra care to not make any mistakes and not to let any water drip. Renji worked all midday, and afternoon, not even stopping for lunch; even though his stomach growled out loud several times. Renji wanted to make up for his lateness. By the time evening arrived, Renji was done with all the paperwork. Feeling pleased he took the papers and strolled casually to the 10th division. Renji had been so absorbed in his work that he hadn't even felt his Taicho's eyes on him, the whole time.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

Sighing in irritation, Byakuya tried to concentrate on the scroll he was currently writing on. He looked up to see the unoccupied desk in front of his own desk. This was officially the third time Renji was late for work. Though he wouldn't admit it to anyone, Byakuya actually liked having Renji standing in front of his desk wishing him good morning. Even thought Renji would only get a nod from him as a reply, Byakuya would in fact be smiling on the inside. Somehow displaying emotions seemed to be considered as a weakness for the Kuchiki head. Nevertheless, to know Renji would be standing there each morning seemed to ease the thought of the pedestrian work he would face after.

However, Byakuya wouldn't have minded his lieutenant coming in a bit late if it weren't for the degrading sight that he passed on his way to the sixth divisions that morning. Seeing Renji rolling on the floor produced ambivalent emotions for Byakuya. He didn't know whether to start laughing or smack himself on the head to actually be attracted to a fool like the red head. He didn't understand how a man could disgrace his own reputation like that. Then his mixed feelings were replaced with anger. He felt anger towards the red head for soiling the reputation of the sixth division, as Renji was the vice captain. Byakuya quickly shunpo-ed away before anyone caught him staring at his vice captain, who happened to be rolling in the mud like a pig.

Sighing again, Byakuya kept on writing, but the fast approaching familiar reiatsu stalled him in his calligraphy. He waited patiently until he could hear and feel the red head standing in front of the screen, delaying his entrance into the office. The gentle knocking reached his ear, and he allowed entrance. What he saw next shocked him enough for him to lose control over his reiatsu, causing it to spike up to an unbearable level for an average shinigami. Renji stood there dripping wet, having his clothes sticking closely to his body, leaving nothing to the imagination. His hair was no longer in its usual style, instead it was let down and it too was dripping wet. Byakuya's face, however, never changed from its usual cold expression, which he was entirely grateful for. It would have been highly embarrassing for him if he were caught gaping at his own lieutenant.

Nevertheless, his spike in his reiatsu wasn't left unnoticed by Renji whose hand automatically went to his zanpaktou. The red head's eyes were wide and unblinking. He looked like a child getting scolded by his mother, a very cute child. Buyakuya struggled to keep the smile that was threatening to slip onto his face. Instead of the usual loud excuses and apologies Renji would offer, there was only silence. The kuchiki head mentally reprimanded him and stopped getting mesmerized by the red head. Instead he spoke in his coldest tones, "Abarai Renji. You are late. Again."

He was able to fully see the fear that flashed through Renji's eyes, and it made it even harder to maintain his control. All Buyakuya wanted to do at that moment was to drag Renji to his bedroom and to lick all the water droplets dripping of him. Oh, there were so many things he wanted to do to the red head, but he shouldn't be having these thoughts. Not now at least. So he asked what was it that made him two hours late, even though he knew the answer from a first hand view. When Renji lied about a new recruit, Buyakuya couldn't help but tease him about the event that took place just a few hours before. As soon as he mentioned it, Renji's face fell and turned a bright red that it surpassed his hair in comparison. As amusing as it was to tease Renji, there needed to be work done as well. Thus he gave Renji the hardest and tedious work Buyakuya had and ordered him to finish it before evening.

The Kuchiki head also tried to complete his work, but failed as he kept lapsing into stares that were only directed towards the red head. Buyakuya watched, as Renji would pull his bottom lip with his teeth when there was something especially hard. Today seemed to be a special treat as his hair was let down. The vibrant red color, the first attribute that caused the Kuchiki head to be attracted to him. How Renji would run his left hand through his hair when it distracted him from writing or reading. Buyakuya wondered how it would feel to run his hands through those locks. Would they be so soft that he would release a satisfied sigh when running his hands or would they be a bit rough so that he could pull them enough for Renji to moan when kissing?

"Taicho, I'm going to drop this off at the tenth division. Goodnite Kuchiki Taicho," Renji gave a mock salute and walked out.

Buyakuya looked up at Renji and nodded, giving him his permission to leave. The raven head watched him until he was out of sight, then he sighed. Longing. The sixth division Taicho didn't exactly know when he began seeing his lieutenant in different light than simply work. It could have been the fight they had when Renji tried to rescue Rukia from the execution. He still remembered how Renji's expression had been when his senbonzakura had shredded him to pieces. The lost hope in his eyes when he realized he wouldn't be able to save Rukia. Yet after all that happened, Renji sat day and night with him in the fourth division until he got well enough. The red head claimed that he did because Buyakuya was his Taicho. But Buyakuya's perception of Renji changed. He at first felt respect for the red head. Then slowly as each day passed it had transformed into the emotion he was harboring now in his heart. Yet he still didn't know if it was just lust he felt for the red head or love.

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Reviews? Just some comments on how I'm doing.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

The forever spring air swept through the walkways of Sereite with its unique scent of wild flowers and mountain dew. The cool wind soothed Renji's perspiration and blew through his now dry hair. Though it was evening, some Shinigami were still walking around carrying notes to other divisions, and some rushing to finish last minute paper work. However, many of them were also eyeing the sake house situated across the street. Renji unconsciously blushed as he remembered what happened that very morning.

Renji nodded to the people who saluted at him. But he was mostly preoccupied with his thoughts. There was something about the late evenings in Sereite that brought with him a sense of nostalgia for the old times. The times when nothing in the world mattered other than his three best friends. Rukia. The rush he felt when running across the streets of Rukongai with the stolen food in his pockets. The happy grins they all wore back then when they caught fishes for dinner. The feeling that he would be protected no matter what by his friends. That he would never be let down. The feeling of family that he had never known.

But all of it was crushed when _he_ adopted Rukia. Renji's clam face was shattered by the angry frown marring it. After two best friends died, only Rukia remained. Somehow the Kuchiki managed to rip that away from him. And he was left alone like the orphan he was, with no one to turn to for comfort. So he came to the conclusion that if he managed to surpass the Kuchiki, he might be able to make Rukia see him in a different light. But that failed as well.

Suddenly there was a flash of black hair. Rukia. But, Renji's shoulders slumped as it turned out to be a Naono, the 8th division Fukutaicho. Renji sighed and continued on walking. Rukia had gone on a mission to the human world, and not only any mission but to that damn carrot head's town. Oh how he hated that human, his arrogance, and his 'I'm way better than you' attitude. Renji still didn't understand what was so great about him, that Rukia would like him so much.

Renji had known Rukia much before Ichigo was even born. Didn't that give him an advantage over Ichigo? But Rukia would never see him more than a close friend, a brother. Renji didn't only fall for her good looks but because of her alluring personality as well. Her charming smile, her quirky behavior, and her nature of giving everything she's got even if she wouldn't have it. Hell, he wouldn't even mind her 'chappy' drawings.

But nothing turned out the way he wanted, did it? She was probably sleeping in his closet or maybe even his bed.

Renji's hands clenched at that thought. No, he mustn't think so lowly of Rukia. If she was happy with Ichigo, then so be it. But why did it still hurt so much? The feeling of an icy hand slipping into his chest and slowly squeezing his already broken heart, was too much to bear for Renji.

He shook his head to stop the depressing thoughts from entering and continued on walking to the 10th division. He submitted the report and turned back to get home. He was going straight home tonight, no sake, no drinking.

He turned a corner and immediately crashed into some one. The crash resulted in the other person being sprawled across the floor. "Itai. Itai. Itai."

The being slowly lifted its head up and little Hanatarou's face peeked out from his hair. "Oh! I'm so sorry Abarai-san. My apologies. Did you get hurt anywhere? I can heal it right away," Hanatarou's innocent voice squeaked out.

Renji began laughing, "Get hurt? I didn't even fall down. It felt like crashing into a pillow!"

Renji chuckled and picked up Hanatarou from the ground before stating, "Tsk. Tak. How many times have I told you, always think of yourself first Hanatarou. I know you constantly put others before you, but be a little selfish sometimes. Ok?"

Hanatarou blushed bright red and stuttered something incoherently. "Goodnight Abarai-fukutaicho," Hanatarou chocked out before turning and running away.

Renji watched him go with a smile on his lips. Ever since he met Hanatarou when saving Rukia, he had always kept an eye out for the small healer. He made sure none of the 11th division brutes picked on him anymore. If anyone did and Renji found out, there was always hell to pay. He made sure everyone knew that. Renji felt some sort of brotherly affection towards the other male. For this reason, Unohana-taicho always treated Renji with the outmost respect, whenever he went to the 4th division.

After getting home with no other incidents, Renji ate some left over food in his small kitchen. Soon, he pulled out his futon and collapsed with tiredness. He fell asleep thinking of Rukia.

* * *

The next morning found Renji drooling and clutching at empty air for a body to snuggle with. He frowned when his hands found nothing and slowly blinked his eyes open. Same as any other morning, Renji got ready and walked down to the 6th division. He was early, as hardly anyone was there. But he pulled back his chair, and sat down to start working on paperwork. Soon he was engrossed in his work and that he didn't notice the usual morning noises accompanied by a fast approaching familiar reiatsu. Renji didn't even bat his eyes when the screen doors opened and the Kuchiki walked in. He didn't realize anyone had come in until and pale hand came into his view and a monotone voice stated, "You missed a period there, Abarai."

Renji jumped pushing back against the chair and shrieked in a very unmanly voice, though he wouldn't admit it later on. He clutched at his thundering heart and gasped. There in front of him stood his Taicho with smirking eyes, even though his face betrayed nothing. Renji took some calming breaths and then pointed an accusing finger while squeaking, "When the hell did you come in?"

"Right now Abarai. And I would appreciate it if you show your superiors proper respect," Though the Kuchiki's voice sounded the same as ever, monotone and dry, Renji caught the warning beneath it.

"Sorry Taicho."

The Kuchiki nodded and walked over to his desk to begin his own paperwork. An hour passed with the only sounds being the scratch of pen on paper. But soon it was disturbed by a knock on the screen door along with a voice, "I have a message for the 6th division captain, Kuchiki Byakuya, about Kuchiki Rukia, from the 13th division captain, Ukitake Joshiro."

"Come in," Taicho said.

The screen door opened and a 13th division messenger stepped in. He knelt down and began reciting his message, "Ukitake-taicho has just received news of Kuchiki Rukia coming back to Soul Society, as her mission has finished in the living world. She informed the 13th division that she would be back by this evening."

The Kuchiki showed no emotion as the message was delivered. Instead he simply nodded and dismissed the messenger, telling him to convey his thanks to the 13th division Taicho.

Renji, on the other hand was celebrating with fireworks in his mind. Finally Rukia would be back from her mission. A large grin was pasted on his face. As soon as the messenger left, Renji turned his head and commented excitedly, "It's been a long time since she left, hasn't it? It would be good to see her again."

He didn't even wait for the other man to respond, instead thought out loud, "I have to finish all this work quickly to go see her when she arrives. I wonder if I should get her a present. Or maybe I could throw her a welcome back party."

Renji's musings was cut short when a large stack of papers landed on his table. Shocked, he looked up at his Taicho. "Finish these by tonight, Abarai," he commanded while walking out.

He sat there stumped staring at his Taicho's retreating back. Now what did he do to earn this torture. He sat there cursing at the black haired man before starting his work. Though his hand signed the different requests for the 6th division, his mind kept wondering what could have prompted the man to bestow Renji all the paperwork for that day. It must have something to do Rukia. Did Taicho not want him to see her? This caused a sharp ache in his heart. Maybe, he didn't want Renji to associate with Rukia, who is now a nobel. Or maybe, Taicho was conspiring with Ichigo so that Renji wouldn't be able to approach Rukia, and thus giving Ichigo all her attention. All different ridiculous ideas and scenarios kept appearing in Renji's mind, but little did he know that he was actually much far from the actual reason.

A/N - Thank you for your wonderful reviews. Sorry for the late update :|


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

[chapter 4]

Byakuya heard the chatter of the birds even before he opened his eyes. He stayed still listening to the sounds of nature before facing the monotonous work for the day. Nowadays, waking up in the mornings somehow seemed as a chore for Byakuya. The same old routine he would have to face every day. Before, when Hisana was alive, he used to love waking up to the sight of his wife's smiling face. But after her death, he closed up. Not letting anyone read his emotions and most important of all, not letting anyone inside his heart.

But Renji, unlike others, didn't keep his distance from him. Instead he liked to be heard and cared about the ones he loved. Byakuya didn't know in which category he fitted in, but he knew that Renji cared for him to some extent, or so he liked to believe. And now with his loud obnoxious ways, Renji managed to light a spark in his frozen heart again.

Getting up, Byakuya got ready at a leisurely pace, and walked to the 6th division just as any other day. There weren't many Shinigami around considering it still wasn't the official time for the division to start functioning. Opening the sliding door, Byakuya slipped in without being detected by Renji, which was unusual considering how distracted Renji is.

Walking closer, he realized Renji was fully absorbed in his work. Now Byakuya was close enough to smell the red head's scent, it was a unique smell of fresh grass, cinnamon and a scent that was purely his alone. He was sitting so that his entire torso was resting on the desk, causing his hakama to be stretched over his back and biceps. Byakuya could see the red head's firm muscles moving under the black cloth. It wasn't a bad sight, no not at all. _But won't it be even better without the clothes?_

Byakuya's eyes widened at that thought; his mind was having its own fantasies again. He mentally slapped himself and diverted his attention to what the red head was writing. He frowned when there was a period missing. He pointed it out to Renji, who only noticed Byakuya standing behind him then, and proceeded to have a heart attack.

Renji looked exceptionally cute when he was surprised. He squeaked out, "When the hell did you come in?"

Byakuya didn't particularly like others disrespecting him, but since it was Renji, he let it slide with only a warning considering that was his usual attitude.

Byakuya walked towards his cherry wood table, and began his routine work. However, after an hour of steady writing, a knock interrupted his rhythm. It was a messenger bearing a message from Ukitake – taicho. Ordering the messenger to come in, he put down his pen and gave his full attention to the upcoming news. "Ukitake-taicho has just received news of Kuchiki Rukia coming back to Soul Society, as her mission has finished in the living world. She said that she would be back by this evening."

'Already', Byakuya thought, 'but she had only gone on that mission for a month.' He had personally made sure that Rukia would stay with that orange-head for around three months, by talking to Ukitake - taicho. He even made sure to come up with a believable lie saying Rukia was a bit emotionally distraught and it would help if she were to be with her friends, after all that happened in Heuco Mondo. Needless to say, Rukia knew nothing about all this. Ukitake – taicho accepted his request gladly and made no mention about it to Rukia, which Byakuya was extremely grateful for.

The black haired Kuchiki may be aloof, but he was no simpleton. He knew Renji was infatuated with Rukia, and he also knew that Renji would never give up on Rukia until Rukia herself told him to move on. Thus the only way for Byakuya to ever get Renji to notice him was to make Rukia unavailable.

This is where that brat would come into the picture. For some odd reason Rukia was attracted to the orange-head, so it all worked out perfectly. Sending off Rukia to that mission was to simply make her fall in love with Ichigo, which consequently gave Byakuya enough time to make Renji notice him and allow Renji to be in some form of relationship with him, other than taicho and fukutaicho relationship. But her coming back sooner than expected was going to be a problem considering his plans.

However, he couldn't place the blame entirely on Rukia coming back because he didn't even sort out his own feelings yet. Byakuya sighed and tried to finish his paper work before Rukia's arrival. "It's been a long time since she left, hasn't it? It would be good to see her again," Renji interrupted with a dreamy tone.

'Of course, you would love that wouldn't you?' Byakuya thought angrily, 'Why can't you get over her? It's crystal clear that she won't ever look at you the way you want her to.' His thoughts ended there, but his subconscious whispered darkly, 'Even if she did, I won't let you go. No, not in this lifetime Abarai Renji.'

Byakuya's anger rose steadily when Renji added, "I have to finish all this work quickly to go see her when she arrives. I wonder if I should get her a present. Or maybe I could throw her a welcome back party."

Renji's words only further enraged him. He knew that his anger was only a result of his jealousy. But which sane man wouldn't be jealous at having his crush talk about another with such a dreamy expression. 'If only you would look at my like that. I would bring the entire world in my palm if only you would look at my with love filled eyes.' Byakuya said to himself inside his head.

Without thinking, Byakuya stood up gracefully and picked up all his paper work. Walking over to his fukutaicho's table, he dropped it with a loud thud, and walked away without a back ward glance and only an order, "Finish these by tonight, Abarai."

The expression on Renji's face before his departure slightly calmed his anger, but the jealousy still remained. That ought to teach him to talk about Rukia like that in his presence. 'But if he doesn't know then how would he learn?' his mind replied. Byakuya simply sighed.

* * *

Renji rubbed his eyes sleepily, and continued writing. It was near 11, and he was on the verge of finishing. Writing the last character, Renji closed the report and filed it with the rest of the reports that needed to be sent out. The red couch situated across the room had been seducing him for the past hour, and Renji gladly gave into the temptation.

[end Chapter 4]

A/N: Thank you for all your lovely reviews. Hope to get more as well. I'm actually supposed to be finishing my homework but posted another chapter instead :) I can see how many people actually read the story, but very few actually leave reviews. So just tell me if you like it or not, it doesn't have to be long, just a few words. It can even be, "i like this story." So please? - .9

A cookie for anyone who can guess where my username is from. :D


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